My postpartum experience was far from ideal. In fact, my labor and delivery experience was 100 times better than it. I hope that it was just the few terrible staff members/situations I encountered and not a generic, across the board theme, that new mommies receive in postpartum, but I'm not sure that it is. Ethan was a bit small for his gestational age ( 6lbs. 8 oz.) but still within the normal range. He received several glucose tests to make sure he could keep his blood sugar elevated (they said they tested b/c of his size) and anything over 40 is fine and three separate times his was around 70. One nurse said I could've had high blood pressure or placental issues- the first one definitely isn't true, and the the second my midwife said on ultrasound there was never any indication of that- she said that everyone just freaks out if you don't have an 8 lb baby :).

Night one- in postpartum, our nurse "miscalculated" (or had absolutely no idea how to do the math) that his percent body weight lost was 9.4%. We were freaked- as they can only lose up to 10% before they leave, and he had already lost that much in the first day! The nurse called Pediatrics and the doctor there didn't double check her math- just took her word for it, and they were extremely concerned. On day two a lactation consultant (bless them all) came to check on me and we told her about the shocking percent weight loss; she said that that couldn't be right and went to calculate it for herself. She came back and said he had only lost 5.6% of his original body weight! We were so relieved, and super frustrated at the nurse and Peds doctor that not only didn't do their jobs, but also never came to apologize about the miscalculation or the needless worry they caused us.

Night two- We had a horrible nurse with no bedside manner (I called the desk to ask a question about breastfeeding and she never came in to respond) and we didn't see her all night- never came in to see how we were doing, decided before she left shift to take it upon herself to tell me that I wasn't making enough colostrum because of his weight loss and because he was starting to become more jaundiced due to a good size hematoma on his head from a hard and fast delivery, that we should really use formula to clear it all out. His body weight loss % was up to 8.2 at this point, but still under 10. We experienced "second night syndrome" (check out Julie's blog to get the info) and said we might use a pacifier to soothe him if he kept freaking out, and she said no lactation consultant would approve of that here, and I wish that I would've been quick on my feet to say that no lactation consultant would approve of using formula, way before using a pacifier.

Day two- Random OB doctor doing rounds stops in to suggest I talk to Peds about using formula. I said if Peds is concerned, they can come talk to me about it. She said his output wasn't enough, but actually his output was at the requirements and exceeding them (5 of each on day one!, only two of each on day two (they were green already!), but that was due to him being knocked out from the circumcision, and then the following days blowing the minimum requirements out of the water (day 3 his last stool was dark seedy yellow!). I told her that he was supposed to have one of each on the first day, two of each on the second day, and so on until day 7 when it changes. She said nope- I told her I disagreed. Finally that day a Peds doctor did come in and made no mention of his percent weight loss, but that I was doing great with breastfeeding and to keep it up, and made NO mention of formula at all. I started expressing colostrum into a teaspoon after each feeding and would get 1-1 1/2 teaspoons each time. We also asked for a breastpump, just to show that we were serious about exclusively breastfeeding.

Night 3- Ethan's weight increased! Now only at 7 something % weight loss. He had to go under the blue lights because his bilirubin level was now at 16 (again b/c of his bruising). He was under the lights for 12 hrs. (he looked like a little super hero with his eye mask :) ) and it brought the bili levels down to 12, then at discharge at 9. My milk came in that night/early AM as well!

Finally got home, and he continued to flush the bili through his stools, no more jaundice, and yesterday at his follow-up appt. he weighed 6 lbs. 6.8oz- almost back up to his birth weight! He's doing great!

Conclusion- Couldn't believe that I had to "rage against the machine"so hard- just to do what my body naturally does- which is breastfeed!! The colostrum poster (in the photo) was in our room, directly across from my bed- prominently displayed. Oh the irony!- that no one seemed to trust breastfeeding to do it's job, yet all the literature THEY gave me, the POSTER, said that it would.

Questions: Why is exclusively breastfeeding seen as "hippie" or "granola" or just "too" natural? Why the great distrust of something women's bodies naturally do- especially from those who are supposed to be experts of our bodies? Why did they have to make me feel like a bad mom from the start (that I was starving our child and wanted him to have permanent brain damage from his bili levels?!)? Why didn't someone come in to say- you're doing awesome, we respect and even ENCOURAGE moms to breastfeed, but we've got to help encourage your body by expressing the colostrum or pumping (only my best friend and IBCLC (lactation consultant) advised me to do this)?

Wow, that was long, and I'm not sure if you even made it all the way through this post, but it was so therapeutic for me to write it all out and put it out there into space- taking away the heaviness that it caused my heart, and giving me vindication.